We Have Worth Even If We Do Nothing.

Paula Bamgbose-Martins, LPC, LCPC, LPCMH, is a licensed psychotherapist and founder of The Human Therapist, LLC, serving clients in Pennsylvania, Delaware, Maryland, and Texas.

With nearly a decade of experience, Paula supports individuals, couples, and families navigating anxiety, complex trauma, ADHD, relationship and family challenges, women’s health, and the impact of intersecting identities. Her approach is warm, culturally responsive, and rooted in Cognitive Behavioral Therapy, Family Systems Therapy, Somatic Therapy, Mindfulness-Based Stress Reduction, and Eclectic techniques.

Paula holds degrees from the University of Sheffield (UK) and the University of Pennsylvania, and is passionate about helping clients reconnect with their voice, identity, and wholeness.

Outside the therapy room, Paula is the co-host of the podcast “Do We Have Your Attention?”, and enjoys singing, yoga, traveling, cooking, and watching Bravo TV.

What’s a fun fact about you that most people don’t know?

People usually see me as older than my age because I can come across as very serious. But the truth is, I have a very playful, childlike side. I can be pretty clumsy and silly—I might just start dancing out of nowhere or doing strange things.

I also love to color and play with play dough or clay. I know some adults might think that’s unusual, but it’s something a lot of people don’t see because my serious side tends to show more.

If your life had a theme song right now, what would it be and why?

There’s a lot I do and because of that, it can be hard to stay present, to slow down, and to stay grounded. I’m learning to be intentional about slowing down because honestly, my head can feel like a jungle sometimes.

So the song that comes to mind is actually called My Head Is a Jungle by Emma Louise. That was the first thing that popped into my head—not because it’s necessarily uplifting, but because it’s the reality of where I’m at right now.

What is one therapy cliché that actually holds a lot of truth?

People often say that therapists just nod their heads and then ask, “How do you feel about that?” That’s actually very true. When we listen, we’re not just hearing words—we’re taking it all in. Sometimes nodding is our way of showing we’re present.

And when we ask, “How do you feel about that?” it’s because we genuinely want to know. It’s not just a filler question; it’s a way to help you explore your feelings. So yes, the cliché exists for a reason.

Therapy aside, what is one simple self-care ritual you swear by but most people overlook?

People often overlook the power of something like going to the nail salon. For me, doing my nails and just being around other women there is a real self-care ritual. Some might see it as a luxury or wonder why you’d spend money on that, but it’s more than that—it’s about the atmosphere and the sense of community.

You’re all there, taking time to pour into yourselves, whether it’s a pedicure, manicure, or getting your eyebrows done. I literally just came from the salon today because I broke a nail, and they were like, “Paula, come in, we’ll fix it for you.” It’s this caring, loving environment. So it’s less about the nails themselves and more about that feeling of connection and care.

If emotions had a fragrance, what do you think healing would smell like?

I think healing would smell flowery but not overpowering. It’s subtle but definitely noticeable.

In an alternate universe where you weren’t a therapist, what other career would you have pursued?

I’d be a musician—writing, singing, producing—because that’s what I originally wanted to do. Another career I’d consider is interior decorating or design, since I have a knack for creating calming, welcoming spaces that help regulate people’s nervous systems.

You talk about identifying, understanding, and accepting the root of distress. For many African women, this distress isn’t just personal—it’s generational. How do you help women heal when their pain is tied to family, culture, or history?

Healing starts with helping women identify where their pain and patterns come from. Generational trauma and habits shape how we see ourselves as women today, but often we don’t realize these patterns exist. It can be hard to accept that some struggles come from our moms or grandmas. But accepting that is not giving up. It is about not letting those patterns control you. From there, the work moves into action: how do you nurture yourself? How do you shift beliefs that once seemed healthy but are actually harmful? How do you relearn better ways of thinking and being? You cannot completely erase generational trauma. It is part of us and it will show up. The goal is not to fix or erase it but to have control over it instead of letting it control you.

Women are often expected to be caregivers—whether as mothers, daughters, or in the workplace. How does this emotional labor impact their mental health? And how can women create boundaries without feeling guilty?

We live in a system that wasn’t made with women in mind. It’s patriarchal and doesn’t fit women’s complex needs. Imagine a child with a learning disability in a class for high achievers with no support but expected to keep up. The problem isn’t the child, it’s the system. Many women feel inadequate for the same reason.

Women have to work harder to prove their worth, even though it’s already there. This creates negative beliefs like “I’m not enough.” It gets worse when women are blamed or shamed for not doing enough, which is part of the problem. This comes from deep cultural expectations that value roles like nurturing and motherhood. Those roles matter, but women should choose what’s important to them. Many women aren’t taught early that their needs matter. Boundaries mean protecting those needs. It takes effort to keep boundaries in a world that often ignores them. Having diverse women around who show different ways to be is priceless. Growing up with strong women who broke molds helped me see I didn’t have to fit one role. Self-love is key. When people affirm your worth as you are, it’s easier to set boundaries without guilt.

As a woman, how do you think we can deal with our inner critic and imposter syndrome?

The inner critic isn’t something we’re born with—it’s learned. Since it’s learned, it can be unlearned or replaced. We often think these feelings are permanent, like “I’ll always be this way,” but life isn’t permanent. We grow and change, and so can our thoughts about ourselves. You might see yourself as incompetent one day and choose a different view the next. It’s about shifting how we see ourselves over time.

Happiness, joy, and confidence aren’t constant. They’re things we work toward through internal effort, not just outside circumstances. Sometimes we think, “If I’m not happy today, I’ll never be happy,” but you have the right to meet yourself where you are. Showing yourself grace and compassion is key. Therapy is a powerful way to manage the inner critic. You can also learn through books, prayer, or self-reflection. For me, faith is central. Seeing my identity through God’s eyes changes everything. If I see myself as valuable to Him, others’ opinions matter less. We’re all unique—there’s no one exactly like you. That uniqueness already has value. Investing in yourself, even in small ways, is a powerful step toward changing your inner story.

What’s one small but powerful practice women can add to their daily routine?

Breath. It’s probably the biggest thing I use in my life. I used to have panic attacks since I was a kid, and they got worse through my late teens and early adulthood. When I started facing serious health issues in my twenties, panic attacks were intense. Someone once told me breath is the most accessible thing you have—it’s free, you don’t have to do anything to get it because it’s already with you. But we often neglect it or misuse it.

When we talk about self-care, people sometimes think it’s expensive or complicated, but breathing is simple. Just finding a few intentional minutes to sit with yourself and breathe deeply—inhale, your stomach expands; exhale, it contracts—can regulate your body and nervous system naturally. It sends oxygen to your brain and can calm you down, even if you’re on the verge of a breakdown. I’ve learned this through mindfulness and meditation classes, and honestly, focusing on your breath can work wonders for self-care.

As a Black woman in mental health, how do you navigate the intersections of race and gender when addressing emotional well-being?

It’s a complex space. Being a Black woman in the U.S. is different from being one in Nigeria. While outright racism may be less obvious in Nigeria, colorism is very real—I experienced it firsthand, especially at an all-girls school where it was intense.

From a systemic perspective, Black women are often the most disadvantaged. Yet, we are also the most college-educated group in the U.S. That says a lot. Like a student in a tough class who’s disadvantaged, we often have to work harder, aiming for excellence just to keep up. This struggle builds strong character, resilience, intelligence, and multifaceted strength. We’re soft and nurturing, but we can also lead and stand out.

The downside is that this pressure can make us neglect our wellness. Like that student, we prioritize others’ needs, try to meet impossible standards, and struggle to set healthy boundaries. We forget that our value isn’t tied only to what we do.

What helps is recognizing that we have worth even if we do nothing, and that we get to choose how much we show up. If today we give 50%, that’s okay. If some days we don’t show up at all, that’s fine too. We have that choice.

I’m happy to see more Black women today putting their wellness first without sacrificing their success or dreams.

Therapy is still heavily stigmatized in many African communities, including Nigeria. It’s often seen as something only for “crazy” people or a luxury for the West. How can we shift this mindset?

Therapy stigma in Nigeria comes from a society that doesn’t celebrate vulnerability. We’re taught to be self-sufficient, so openly talking about mental health feels uncomfortable or even taboo. I remember once telling some well-respected professionals I was studying counseling and they laughed it off, saying therapy is only for “mad people.” That mindset is real, even among educated people.

I talked about this on Season 2 episode 5 of our DWHYA podcast where we had a therapist from Lagos, Fumilayo, as a guest. What stood out was that the resistance to therapy isn’t just about not accepting it, it’s about understanding why people feel that way. To shift the mindset, it’s not about forcing therapy on people or preaching. We need to listen and understand why they resist it. What would make therapy feel relevant or accessible to them?

If we strip therapy down to its core, just having a safe space to talk about feelings, I think many would be interested but they don’t realize it yet.

The key is finding creative, culturally sensitive ways to share mental health information that fit within the values of a rigid society. It’s about changing the language and approach so more people feel open to it, not pushing it in their faces.

What are the first steps women who have suffered abuse—whether sexual, physical, or emotional—can take in reclaiming themselves?

I think therapy is essential. For something as serious as abuse—mental, emotional, narcissistic, physical, psychological—therapy is really needed. We often underestimate how trauma shapes your psyche. If you don’t get the right help, the trauma can stick and distort how you view the world. It can even present like PTSD.

I also love the fact that there’s community and support out there. There are women fighting for other women, organizations standing up for women. Seeking that support is so important because one of the things about abuse is that it isolates you. It makes you feel like it’s just you, that you alone caused this or you alone have to fix it—and that’s just not true.

By finding community, you realize you’re not alone. You hear how others got through their own experiences. And most importantly, speaking out matters. Abuse often comes with silence, and silence gives it power. To reclaim some autonomy, you have to speak up—whether it’s to trusted, safe people, not just anyone. That’s a crucial step.

African women are often raised to be "strong," meaning enduring suffering—whether in marriages, workplaces, or friendships. How do we unlearn this toxic version of strength and redefine what it actually means to be strong?

A client once stayed in a dysfunctional relationship because she felt pressured to “stay strong” by enduring the pain. Society often questions women who leave, as if something’s wrong with them. But strength isn’t about holding on to what’s harmful.

Take Hailey Bailey, for example. When people criticized her for not “keeping a man,” she said, “Who said I wanted to keep a man?” That shows strength is about knowing what you want and deserve.

Many of us accept society’s narrow idea of strength without questioning it, even when it’s toxic. Social psychology shows how people conform just because others do, not because it’s right.

Real strength comes from defining your own beliefs. Ask yourself: What do I want in a partner? What does love mean to me? What does a healthy relationship or workplace look like? Define strength on your own terms.

Does age influence how people show up for their healing journeys? Are younger women more open to mental health conversations than older generations?

I would say younger people are more open. But does age influence healing itself? No.

Younger women grow up in a world that’s more open, making it easier to talk about mental health. For example, I saw a TikTok about America’s Top Model from the early 2000s. A slim model was called “plus-size” back then, and that term meant something totally different. The world has changed and become more accepting of diversity.

But just because younger women are more open doesn’t mean older women aren’t seeking healing or mental health support. The desire for healing exists across generations; it just shows up differently.

If you could leave women with just one powerful thought about mental health and self-discovery, what would it be?

We are a lot more capable than we think.

Chatting with Paula was uplifting! We’re sure you’ll find her insights as refreshing and impactful as we do.

What stood out to you in this interview? Tell us in the comments!

To learn more about The Human Therapist, check out their website. You can also connect with Paula Instagram.

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